Please forgive the major lapse in my blogging. I’m going to attempt to post more often. I seem to have many ideas floating around in my head, just haven’t taken the time to write them down. Here’s the most pressing one right now.

When a topic comes up in conversation, whether by someone who asks me a question that leads to this topic, or simply talking about what’s going on around us that leads me there, I am always fascinated by the ones that stand out; the ones that are repeated, sometimes multiple times within a short period of time. Those ones I pay closer attention to. I feel there’s something in there I need to work on OR write about.

In this case, the topic has been on the difference between reacting and responding.

I have to say I have been on the giving and receiving end of both, and hope that I’ve learned my lesson over the years.

See, the old me, (Ahem, I prefer younger me. No, that’s not right. Ummm… the me that didn’t know any better? Okay, I”ll go with that one. As the age references are started to get to me… I digress) Anyway, the me that didn’t know any better, when seeing something that enraged me, would spout off my truth in the situation; only to find myself later berating myself with what I said. I could clearly look back and see where I either believed what I said, but knew very well I could have said it in a different way; a way that shows love and not hurt the person I was talking to. OR I knew after giving it pause and more thought, what I said wasn’t exactly what I meant. And in many cases didn’t need to be said at all. Can you relate?

Here’s a comical example I used in an online Bible study a while back: The topic was from James 3:2-12 Can the tongue be tamed? Here was my answer…

CHARRIN: Nope. It can’t. However, it can be tempered if we train ourselves to be mindful of our thoughts before we open our mouths. I can’t tell you how many times my kids have reacted from the look on my face and I hadn’t even said anything yet. It almost frightens me the thoughts that roll through my mind before I open my mouth, and then am ever so grateful I took the extra minute to sort through all the mess in there before letting my best answer roll off my tongue. I’ll give you a VERY drastic example to add a little humor here… Driving down the road, in a hurry, with my coffee spilling all over, and very possibly jelly donut stuck to my face, where I’m realizing I didn’t pluck the hair off my chin AGAIN, but I don’t have time to go back and fix it; I look out the window of my car and see someone jogging. Now here go my thoughts. The view is of an overweight woman, boobs not quite under control, sweatband from the 80s on her head. Is that drool coming out of her mouth? What was she THINKING wearing that outfit out here? … Charrin, stop that! … Give her credit. Did you dust off your treadmill this morning? How about the clothes hanging off the end of it that you laid there to dry a week ago? Are they put away yet? She needs a standing ovation for getting out there and exercising. GOOD for her!!! (Okay, a little embellishment here. I don’t eat jelly donuts. Only custard filled. They don’t leave stains. But you get the picture.)

Now, imagine if this was a true scenario. What would I have gained if I had said the first thing that came to mind? Would I have helped this person at all? My words could have caused irreparable damage to this woman’s psyche. Who knows what challenge she faced just walking out her door that morning to get the exercise she needed? Could my original thoughts have caused her to choose to quit?

Here’s the thing:

Reacting is saying the first thing that comes to mind in the heat of the moment. We can look back and justify it any way we want to. But the bottom line is this: If the words that come out of our mouths don’t edify, don’t build up or in any other way benefit/encourage the person we’re talking to, we need to close our mouths.

Responding gives us the opportunity to filter through our thoughts. More often than not, when given time, our end thought is much better than the first one.

I see what’s going on in the United States right now. How can I not? It’s plastered everywhere. It breaks my heart to see this. Our nation is divided. There are assumptions right or wrong on both sides of the fence. Both sides. I can’t help but sit here and wonder, if all these people who are up in arms about the state of the nation, and reacting instead of responding, could pause just long enough to hear what the other side is saying, how much better this nation would be. We don’t have to agree. But, we are called to love. Mark 12:29-31

Let me leave you with this parting thought: Proverbs 17:28 – Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent and discerning if they hold their tongues.

God Bless!

Charrin